The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye!!

So, perhaps it’s time to learn to say ‘Yes’ to yourself and ‘No’ to others a bit more than you have been (if this is appropriate)??

Early life experience has a big influence on how you feel about yourself when things that you had a part in go wrong.  People who have endured constant criticism are prone to think badly of themselves and to strive for perfection to escape criticism. Their efforts to be perfect are bound to fail thus perpetuating the negative feelings they have about themselves.  Some people get blamed by other people for how they feel – ‘it is your fault that I am feeling like this … you are doing this to me etc’ – and as a result may end up always trying to make others happy and enduring guilt when they don’t or cannot keep others happy, which is most of the time.

Religion is often at the root of guilty feelings about oneself, and usually that may be no bad thing. But as religious belief changes some of its strictures may still have a grip.   The person who intellectually feels that it is fine to have sex outside marriage may still be tortured by guilt if they have had a strong family history of being told how to think and feel about sexual matters.

If you are stuck in a guilt trip the first thing to do is to re-examine the situation that is troubling you and hopefully you can gain a better perspective on your behaviour.  People are inclined to blame themselves for things that other people, or situational factors beyond their control, had a big role in bringing about.  So take a situation you feel bad about and put it to a simple test. You may have lost your cool with someone at work and regret it. Or you may have snogged one of your spouses friends at a party and are mortified, embarrassed, terrified someone will find out and wanting to turn the clock back. You may just be feeling bad about not making time to visit someone in hospital.  Or about the white lie you told to avoid going to a boring party. Perhaps it is the scratch you put on some other shoppers car at the supermarket.

First of all go back to your intentions before the event happened.  Did you fully intend things to turn out as they did?  Did you see it as a possibility?  Or maybe it never even entered your head.  Pick a figure between one and ten to signify how much you fully knew what you were doing and how it would end up

If another person is upset, who is responsible?  Is it one hundred per cent your fault? Maybe the other person should take some of the blame.  Again pick a number and build up the perspective picture.

Think about what other factors may have contributed to the situation. Maybe they were badly parked. Again try and identify and evaluate those other factors and ask do they lessen the responsibility and guilt you are placing on yourself.

When people feel guilty they may only see the negative factors of the situation.  But it is very unusual for a situation to be all bad.  There are usually pluses and minuses.  Try to step outside your circumstances and assess what percentage of the situation is good and what percentage is bad.  You may be surprised at what you find.

I am not for one moment suggesting that all guilt is bad and that a guilt free world would be a wonderful place.  It is important that we keep a connection between our behaviour and our emotions.  We spend a great deal of time teaching children the difference between right and wrong and it is vital for all of our well being that most people agree in general about how to behave in society.  But values change, life is not black and white, or simple, and throughout life people find themselves with dilemmas for which there is no easy answer. And doing things that do not sit easily with their moral code.  But that does not make them bad people.  Recognising the full complexity of human life may help you get out from under the burden of guilt, while still going through life making a good attempt at separating right from wrong and taking the better road.

John Masterson.

Explore, Understand and Learn to
Deal with Stress & Anxiety

with The Harmony Group

www.theharmonygroup.org
phone 01 / 2100390

This One Day Course is aimed at people with no previous knowledge of Stress & Anxiety Management but who feel that they would like to start to gain control of negative stress in their life.

Course Content

This course is designed to equip the participant in recognising the many different causes of stress and anxiety, how they are stressing themselves, and learn practical and effective techniques to assist in coping with these issues including relaxation techniques.

Noticing what happens to you and how you react when you are under pressure is also an important area, as is the switch from being under pressure to being stressed or anxious.

You will learn how to pre-empt stress building up and how to set boundaries with other people who may be a factor in your stress. Other areas covered are the use of Humour, Goal Setting and Fun & Recreation as further ways of reducing stress and anxiety.

During the course our emphasis is on making the information easily understood and practical. We believe limiting the number of participants to a maximum of 12 makes for a more individual experience.

Venue

Jesuit Conference Centre, Milltown Park, Sandford Road, Dublin 6.
Bus Service: 11, 11A, 11B, 48A and 44.
View Milltown Park in a larger map

Course Dates

21st November 2009

Course Cost

€125.00 per person.

Facilitator

Kevin Solon

Kevin Solon is a Psychotherapist and Life Coach who has many years experience in the area of Stress and Anxiety Management. This experience has been gained through working with clients on a one-to-one basis as well as leading courses for individuals, schools and companies.

Booking Form

As places are limited to 12 per course early booking is advisable. To register please complete the form below and return with a payment of €125.00 made payable to Kevin Solon, ‘The Harmony Group’. Our address is 14/16 Main Street, Blackrock, Co. Dublin.

Click here to download a printable booking form:
The Harmony Group – Stress and Anxiety Workshop – Booking Form

So, how do we successfully deal with these?

To this end, we offer a programme that is tailor made to suit golfers of all levels because we understand that each golfer is unique. Our approach is both organised and structured and nevertheless flexible enough to meet the individual requirements of our participants

Our one-to-one sessions cover topics such as the extent of the mental factors at play in golf, techniques for dealing with many common problems, how to deal with pressure, goal setting, pre-shot routines, imagery and visualisation skills and confidence building.

We believe that if you choose to utilise Golf Psychology, you will give yourself a far greater chance of unlocking your full capabilities.
As has been said, ‘Golf Psychology is a Recipe for Success’.

« back

Sufferers of PTS repeatedly relive the trauma in the form of nightmares and disturbing recollections during the day. They experience sleep problems, depression, feel detached or numb, and are easily startled. They lose interest in things they used to enjoy and have trouble feeling affectionate. They may feel irritable, more aggressive than before, or even violent.

Ordinary events can serve as reminders of the trauma and trigger flashbacks or intrusive images. A flashback may make the person lose touch with reality and re-enact the event for a period of seconds or hours or, very rarely, days. A person having a flashback, which can come in the form of images, sounds, smells, or feelings, usually believes that the traumatic event is happening all over again.

Not every traumatized person gets full-blown PTS, or experiences PTS at all. PTS is diagnosed only if the symptoms last more than a month. In those who do have PTS, symptoms usually begin within 3 months of the trauma, and the course of the illness varies. Some people recover within 6 months, others have symptoms that last much longer. In some cases, the condition may be chronic. Occasionally, the illness doesn’t show up until years after the traumatic event.

Antidepressants and anxiety-reducing medications can ease the symptoms of depression and sleep problems, and psychotherapy, including cognitive-behavioural therapy, is an integral part of treatment.

« back

Specific Phobias
Many people experience specific phobias, intense, irrational fears of certain things or situations – dogs, closed-in places, heights, escalators, tunnels, highway driving, water, flying, and injuries involving blood are a few of the more common ones. Phobias aren’t just extreme fear; they are irrational fear. You may be able to ski the world’s tallest mountains with ease but panic going above the 10th floor of an office building. Adults with phobias realize their fears are irrational, but often facing, or even thinking about facing, the feared object or situation brings on a panic attack or severe anxiety.

Specific phobias strike more than 1 in 10 people. The cause is unknown but they seem to run in families and are a little more prevalent in women. Adult phobias start suddenly and tend to be more persistent than childhood phobias; only about 20 percent of adult phobias vanish on their own, whilst many phobias experienced by children disappear in time.

If the object of the fear is easy to avoid, people with phobias may not feel the need to seek treatment. Treatment can help people, for whom the phobia is interfering with their life. Successful treatment usually involves either cognitive-behavioural therapy, hypnotherapy or desensitisation therapy, in which patients are gradually exposed to what frightens them until the fear begins to fade. Relaxation and breathing exercises also help reduce anxiety symptoms.

Social phobia is an intense fear of becoming humiliated in social situations, specifically of embarrassing yourself in front of other people. Social phobia often begins around early adolescence or even younger.

Sufferers of social phobia believe that other people are more competent in public then themselves. Their view of everyday mistakes is extremely exaggerated. Social phobias can be very specific, anxiety about giving a speech, talking to a boss or other authority figure, or dating. The most common social phobia is a fear of public speaking. Sometimes social phobia involves a general fear of social situations such as parties. More rarely it may involve a fear of using a public restroom, eating out, talking on the phone, or writing in the presence of other people, such as when signing a check.

Social phobia disrupts normal life, interfering with career or social relationships. Although sufferers of social phobia are aware that their feelings are irrational, they dread and may avoid situations. Even if they manage to confront what they fear, they usually feel very anxious beforehand and are intensely uncomfortable throughout.

About 80 percent of people who suffer from social phobia find relief from their symptoms when treated with cognitive-behavioural therapy or hypnotherapy.

« back

• Pounding heart
• Chest pains
• Lightheadedness or dizziness
• Nausea or stomach problems
• Flushes or chills
• Shortness of breath or a feeling of smothering or choking
• Tingling or numbness
• Shaking or trembling
• Feelings of unreality
• Terror
• A feeling of being out of control or going crazy
• Fear of dying
• Sweating

People who suffer from a panic disorder feel a terror that strikes suddenly and repeatedly with no warning. They cannot predict when an attack will occur, and many develop intense anxiety between episodes, worrying when and where the next one will strike. In between times there is a persistent, lingering worry that another attack could come any minute.

Panic disorder is quite a common disorder, twice as common in women as in men. It can appear at any age – in children or in the elderly – but most often it begins in young adults. Not everyone who experiences panic attacks will develop panic disorder. Many people have one attack but never have another. For those who do have panic disorder, though, it’s important to seek treatment.

Panic disorder is often accompanied by other conditions such as depression or alcoholism, and may spawn phobias, which can develop in places or situations where panic attacks have occurred. Some people’s lives become greatly restricted – they avoid normal, everyday activities such as grocery shopping, driving, or in some cases even leaving the house. They avoid any situation they fear would make them feel helpless if a panic attack occurs. Agoraphobia develops in approximately one-third of Panic Disorder sufferers. Whilst this disorder can appear to run in families, early treatment of panic disorder can often stop the progression to agoraphobia.

Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy, Neuro Linguistic Programming and similar methods of intervention have proven successful treatments for people suffering from a Panic Disorder. Cognitive-behavioural approaches teach patients how to view the panic situations differently and demonstrate ways to reduce anxiety, using breathing exercises or techniques to refocus attention, for example. Hypnotherapy and Neuro Linguistic Programming aid clients to become desensitised to their fearful situation. The client uses imagination to slowly become exposed to the fearful situation until they become desensitised to it.

« back

The textbook example is someone who compulsively washes their hands. This person may obsess about germs or dirt. In order to stop these thoughts they wash their hands. When the thoughts return they wash their hands again. These compulsive actions can become ritualised. Persons with OCD may believe that they must turn the light switch off exactly seven times in order to be certain that is really off.

OCD is presently treated with antidepressant medications and cognitive-behavioural psychotherapy. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has proven to be highly effective. The client is given the opportunity to explore their behavioural patterns, his or her thought processes, feelings, dreams and behaviour. The aim is to alleviate individuals’ distress by helping them to understand their inner conflicts and to find new ways of dealing with them.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder is described as a pervasive pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. Sufferers of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

• Are preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules, to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost
• Show perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g. are unable to complete a project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met)
• Are excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships
• Are over conscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values
• Are reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things
• Adopt miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes
• Shows rigidity and stubbornness

Having some obsessive-compulsive personality traits can pay off. Students and employees who are “excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships” can be very productive.

Psychotherapy can be helpful to treat Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapy has proven to be highly effective. The client is given the opportunity to explore their behavioural patterns, his or her thought processes, feelings, dreams and behaviour. The aim is to alleviate individuals’ distress by helping them to understand their inner conflicts and to find new ways of dealing with them.

« back

Anorexia Nervosa
Anorexia Nervosa is a disorder where the main characteristic is the restriction of food and the refusal to maintain a minimal normal body weight. Anorexia Nervosa sufferers are terrified by any actual gain or even perceived gain of weight. Experiencing body image distortions, Anorexics participate in restrictive dieting, compulsive exercise, and laxative and diuretic abuse. Left untreated, Anorexia Nervosa can be fatal.

Bulimia Nervosa
Bulimia Nervosa, like Anorexia Nervosa, is an obsessive involvement with body shape and weight. Experienced as an addictive binge-purge cycle, the Bulimic eats compulsively and then purges through self-induced vomiting, use of laxatives, diuretics, strict diets, fasts, chew-spitting, vigorous exercise, or other compensatory behaviours to prevent weight gain. The medical complications of the binge-purge cycle can be severe and like Anorexia Nervosa can be fatal.

Compulsive Overeating
Compulsive Overeaters are often caught in the vicious cycle of binge eating and depression. Using food as a coping mechanism to deal with their feelings, many sufferers feel that binge eating temporarily relieves the stress of these feelings. However, they are left with feelings of guilt, shame, disgust, and depression. It is not uncommon for Compulsive Overeaters to eat normally or restrictively in front of others and then make up for eating less by bingeing in secret. For other Compulsive Overeaters, binges consist of “grazing” on foods all day long. Like the other eating disorders, Compulsive Overeaters are constantly struggling and unhappy with their weight. It is not uncommon for the number on the scale to determine how they feel about themselves. Medical complications can also be severe and even life threatening for Compulsive Overeaters.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is the most researched method of treating eating disorders and has proven to be highly effective. The client is given the opportunity to explore the reasons why they are maintaining the eating disorder. Emotional and thinking triggers are addressed by helping the client to identify, question and modify thoughts, beliefs and attitudes that are relevant to the disorder. The client and therapist discuss and agree on a number of possible alternative coping skills.

« back